


Christmas Attack

by akingnotaprincess



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Christmas, Crack, Fuck Or Die, Getting Together, M/M, Sex Pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-22
Updated: 2011-02-22
Packaged: 2020-08-19 22:07:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20217040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akingnotaprincess/pseuds/akingnotaprincess
Summary: The Doctor and Turlough get into some Christmas trouble.





	Christmas Attack

Turlough was full of despair. He felt as if it was entirely his fault that his lover was in the trouble he was in now. 

He had just handed the Doctor another gift from the pile; he hadn't taken notice that the gift had no tag. Suddenly, when the Doctor opened the package a fuchsia colored gas went up his nose and mouth. Before Turlough could get out the appropriate concerns, the Doctor flung himself on him, kissing him fiercely and feeling him up. 

"It's taken me over, Turlough," he gasped between kisses. "I'm going to die unless I have intercourse with you…"

"Okay, then do it!" he responded and began to unbutton his school uniform.

"NO!" The Doctor propelled his body backwards away from Turlough. "Why don't you understand? If I have sex with you, the gas will kill you upon climax!"

"How was I supposed to know that?!" Turlough retorted angrily, running his hands through his ginger hair. "What's this alien sex gas thing's purpose?" he asked in a rush.

"To mate!" The Doctor groaned. "It needs a host to do that."

Turlough racked his brains. He had to save the Doctor, but how? Come on, he had more smarts than Tegan or Nyssa… think!

"The gas needs a host to mate, correct?" Turlough reaffirmed as his eyes lit up in excitement. 

"Yes!"

Turlough began rummaging around the pile of presents briefly and returned to face the Doctor, holding something behind his back. "Well, listen to _this_ sex gas!" He pointed to the Doctor. "_He's_ asexual! You know what that means, don't you? _I_ on the other hand, am not! I can fuck whomever I want! I'm the better host for you!"

"Turlough don't!" The Doctor cried as the fuchsia gas exited his body through his mouth and travelled through the air. 

As the gas almost reached its destination, Turlough took out an empty box from behind him and quickly trapped the gas inside. Quickly, he ran to the door and kicked the box out of the TARDIS like a football. 

"That was very stupid of you, Turlough," the Doctor scolded. 

Turlough glared at his lover with his head held high. "Oh really? Cause it was stupid of you to get caught in a trap like that!"

"Tell me, why did you lie to it and say I was asexual?"

Turlough grinned mischievously and walked seductively to the Doctor. "To save your arse, that's why. So what do I get?"

The Doctor furrowed his brow. "Beach. How about the beach?" He smiled brightly and began to fiddle with the controls of the console before Turlough could say another word.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back in 2011 before I really knew about asexuality. Looking back using asexuality as a joke is cringe-y.


End file.
